I read a blog post on a great blog last week regarding having sex early in a relationship at mylifeisdrama.wordpress.com (Hope it’s okay to promote your blog;) I should have written this post sooner because now I don’t remember why I connected that post to having expectations in a relationship. I’m going to give it a shot tonight before I completely forget what I wanted to write about.
Anyway, what I think it was is when I was younger before I was married, I would make men wait to have sex with me. I felt if a guy waited for me, he respected me and was obviously into me enough that he would wait. But now, post divorce, I don’t really make a guy wait. Now I’m spreadin em for every guy I meet. But sometimes a girl just needs some lovin.
I think part of the reason I changed was I stopped having expectations with guys, especially guys I met online. I kept setting myself up for disaster because I would meet a guy and think he’s great and that he would fall into the fantasy that I thought he would be. And I would always be let down. It came to a point where I threw that fantasy out the window and started taking guys at face value and took each phone call and then date and then the date after that as it’s own entity. And making a guy wait for sex also went out the window because there were let downs there as well. Sex isn’t everything to me. But it is something. And I want to know early on if there is some compatibility in that area as well. Yes, I know the sex gets better. That’s why I give early poor performers a second and sometimes a third chance;) But it’s still early enough in a relationship that I’m not super attached. But my feeling is (and some of my guy coworkers have confirmed this) if A guy likes you and enjoys your company and you sleep with him a few dates in, that he will still want to see you if he actually likes you and is looking for a relationship. (I just wanted to get that last line in there.)
That was a lot and I hope it made sense. (Drinking wine makes me whine.) I am liking the parenthesis tonight. I wonder sometimes if the downside to that is that I’m ruining it for the girl that still wants to make a guy wait. I believe it to be true that guys surf online dating sites looking for the women that might sleep with them on the first or second date. And they can sense who that type of girl is. So they will pass over the good girl for that type of girl. And I guess sometimes I’m that type of girl. So I’m contributing to the problem.
I also wonder sometimes if me not having expectations is me being cynical because since I take most guys at face value to start, I assume that they’re just looking for sex or probably full of shit and BS. Then if they’re not, it’s like, “Hey, I met a good guy.” And if they are BS sex shit crazies, then I don’t say anything because that’s what I figured it would be and on to the next one!
Any thoughts… or concerns:)